Downdate

It was a dark and stormy night
And three men sat round a potato pot
( which had not yet been invented)
and the centurion said to Antonius,
Antonius tell us a tale!

And this is the tale that Antonius told

Kids from this Junior school were having a coach trip
to Hadrian’s Wall which is now a World Heritage Site.

‘Don’t talk daft,’ said the centurion. ‘This old place?
Arse end of the earth.’

‘Anyway,’ said Antonius,
‘These kids were having a trip
to the Roman Army Museum
On Hadrian’s Wall…’

‘Roman Army Museum?
Get a life!’ said the centurion,
Throwing the potato he was peeling
(which had not yet been invented)
back into the pot
‘They won’t put me into any museum.
Don’t I make sacrifices to Jupiter?
I’m going to live for ever, me.
No one’s digging up my bones
and sticking labels on them!’

‘Anyway,’ said Antonius, wearily,
‘This school had the Poet in Residence,
and three people were sick on the bus
on the way to the Wall.’

‘What’s a bus?’ asked the centurion.
‘Don’t go there!’ shouted Antonius,
throwing a potato (which had not yet been invented)
out into the stormy dark
‘You can get yourself another storyteller.
I resign!’

‘You’re sacked!’ Said the centurion.
‘Put that in your CV and smoke it.
You can get back to sentry duty.
I don’t care of it is raining and blowing a gale.
Oh, and on your way out you can turn on
‘Eastenders.’