I walk among the grief of trees

I have seen enough death in my service
To the Emperor. It never moved me,
Made me a good soldier.
I could stand in carnage, give clear orders,
Was commended by our commanders.

Yet where I stand now on this Wall’s ending,
Close to the turning of the sea,
The scent of living air comes to me from far
Beyond the boundary, the place of the barbarian.
A north wind, the stirring of change, death.

I remember my mother opening the house doors
As the north wind swept through the village.

I never should have visited the whores.
They bring disease, even the officers’ whores
Are unclean. They say the woman
Had been a chieftain’s wife, a priestess
In the old ways, from beyond the Wall.

A bow’s length into the forest,
Where the necessary destruction had taken place,
She had laid down in front of the foot soldiers,
A futile protest at the cutting of the trees.

Of course they took her.

We tolerate the pagan ways. They are wild,
Unkempt, these people beyond the Wall.
They do not have the baths, nor laws as we do,
Worship gods of superstition.

But it’s the same everywhere.
Thank Jupiter for Rome bringing a little civilisation.
It is a great comfort to be a citizen
Of a civilised country.

It was rumoured in the bathhouse
That the woman has cast spells.
It makes everything more dangerous.
Now she is my house slave. While I am kind,
She, the barbarian, holds me cruelly,
She makes me rut her like a stag a hind,
And will not look upon my Roman face.

The breath of the green wind taunts me.
I remember my mother opening all the doors
Of the house, sweeping Death from the place.

The slave woman is sending me dreams.
As I suck her paps, she becomes the Wolf
Who fed Rome. I am haunted by portents.
I see the corpses of ancient trees, some future
War, a land churned to mud. I walk
Among the grief of trees.
There will be no greening in the Spring.
A perpetual winter light streams down
On us.

My eyes are open.

The wind comes to me
From the North, and the sea to the West turns.
Tomorrow I will make a sacrifice to Jupiter.
It will ease my mind.